I Am What I Am
by Hollyoaks Nutter
Summary: This is an AU fic of Aaron and Jackson's meeting and the progression of their relationship.  Please read and comment.  Carly x
1. Love At First Sight

**Love At First Sight**

"_My name is Aaron and I am an alcoholic." _

The obligatory spatter of applause ensued. He never really understood why they clapped although his therapist explained it as being a social courtesy. If someone new happened to join the group apparently they would be immediately encouraged to share their experiences, as they would realize that no reactions would be negative. Although as Aaron stood there blushing furiously he couldn't help thinking 'they have no idea what I have done.'

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"_Hi. Sorry. Car broke down and then my ex called me 'cos our daughter is playing up and then I had this presentation for work to do…it's just been a bit manic. Sorry."_

Aaron recognized the late arrival. He'd shared his story the previous week. He was a builder or something like that, twenty three, rich brown eyes, curly hair and stubble, he couldn't for the life of him remember his name. Aaron was startled back to reality as he realized John the group leader was trying to catch his attention.

"_It's fine. Take a seat Jackson. So, Aaron…Aaron? You were saying."_

'_Jackson. That was it.' "Sorry."_

"_You were going to share your story with us tonight?"_

"_Yes. Of course. My story…"_

**Flashback**

**Aaron was in high school when he first realized there was something different about him. He had this friend, a lad he had known and grown up with, who one night did something that changed his life forever.**

"_**I don't want you to hate me."**_

"_**I could never hate you Andy."**_

"_**You promise?"**_

"_**Promise. What's up?"**_

"_**I think I…I've fallen in love with someone."**_

"_**Really? That's amazing. Who is she? Is it Sophie? I saw you chatting with her by the lockers yesterday."**_

"_**No. It isn't Sophie."**_

"_**I know. It's Emma. She's kinda cute. You'd make a good couple."**_

"_**No it isn't Emma."**_

"_**Who is it then? Come on you'll have to give me a clue."**_

"_**I can do you one better."**_

**Andy scrunched his eyes tightly shut and leant in closing the gap between them, he forcefully banged their lips together. Aaron was so shocked that he didn't even think to pull away. It took a while but Aaron did come to his senses and the primal fight or flight instinct kicked in.**

"_**I have to go."**_

"_**No. Wait. I'm sorry. Aaron?"**_

"_I was a complete mess. My head was thumping, my stomach was doing cartwheels and my heart felt like it was being torn apart. I wanted to go back and continue that kiss, but another part of me, a bigger part as it happens was saying 'run like the wind' so I did in the opposite direction. _

_Andy wasn't in school the day after, although I had mustered the courage to speak to him. I was late in that morning after having yet another pointless argument with my step mum, so when I arrived the receptionist collard me and directed me to the main hall. It was packed. The whole school was seated in silence. I crept in and sat on the end seat of the back row. _

_The Head was on the stage addressing the children and the staff. I don't think it sunk in. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I could feel myself burning up. I had the sudden urge to throw up. I couldn't believe it. That was Andy she was talking about. It couldn't be true. _

"_**Mrs Littlewood has informed me that Andrew committed suicide sometime late last night. He left a note explaining his reasons, which I will not divulge, but it is fair for me to say he felt confused and alone."**_

_I tried to listen to what was being said, but the pain in my chest was excruciating and the tears that had been welling in my eyes were now flowing freely. I had known him for over twelve years. Twelve years. And he didn't trust me enough to give me some time. I never got the chance to tell him how I felt. I'm sorry._ He struggled breathe as the tears that had been threatening throughout his recollection started to fall. _You are probably all wondering what any of that has to do with…well anything. But that was the first day I discovered that despite being a depressant alcohol could in fact help me to forget, or at least numb the pain._ He felt a pressure on his lower back. The warmth of the touch and Jackson's accompanying smile encouraged him to continue. _I didn't go to Andy's funeral. I spent that particular day in a police holding cell for a drink related crime. I don't remember the specifics or the court case for that matter as I didn't show up. The police caught up with me in some local dive and I have spent the last six months in prison. My sentence was reduced on the understanding I attended therapy and this support group." _

"_Well thank you Aaron."_

Once more there was a spatter of applause, but Aaron was so entranced by the smile flickering on Jackson's lips and the twinkle in his eyes that he failed to notice.

"_Well done."_

Jackson whispered and squeezed his knee encouragingly as he sat down.

"_Right, well time for a breather. Help yourself to hot drinks and the cakes, my daughter made those herself she wanted me to tell you."_

Aaron remained rooted in his seat, his heart was beating ten to the dozen and he felt slightly sick.

"_You did brilliantly. _He felt a comforting pressure on his shoulder. _Do you want to get out of here?"_

"_Yeah that would be great." _

He bit back what he was desperately thinking which was he'd have killed for a drink.

"_You can come round to my place. I've got all the orange juice you could possibly want. _Jackson winked none too subtly and Aaron managed a shy smile. _Don't worry I've been there once or twice._ Aaron seriously doubted that and it was written all over his face. _Come on. My van's just over the road. I'm a builder, but I guess you know that since I shared last week."_

"_Yeah and I've seen you around. Aren't you doing up a cottage in Emmerdale?"_

"_Yeah for Declan Macey. Are you from round there?"_

"_Yeah I lodge at Smithy with Paddy at the vets and I work at the garage down the road."_

"_Good to know."_

"_Why?"_

"'_Cos I may get to see more of you and my vans on its last legs so you can give it the once over for me."_

Jackson chuckled good naturedly. Aaron couldn't seem to stop smiling. There was something about this guy that almost made him forget himself. He couldn't help thinking he wanted to get to know him better.

The drive back to Jackson's flat took less than ten minuets, neither of them noticed as they had slipped into a companionable silence.

"_Home sweet home._ Jackson smiled as the engine grunted to a halt. _I am lucky I found myself a mechanic as you can hear she's nearly on the way out."_

"_Do you want me to have a look now?"_

"_No. Don't be daft. I invited you for a drink and a chat not to get you working again."_

"_It's okay. I don't mind."_

"_Aaron. Relax. I was hoping we could get to know one another a little better._ Jackson flushed at his obvious forwardness. _Considering that group is meant for talking I don't feel I really know anyone there."_

Jackson couldn't help himself. There was something about this lad that was drawing him in. He obviously liked to think of himself as a bit of hard nut, but Jackson could see the vulnerability. He obviously blamed himself for what happened to his friend and being able to speak those words had taken strength and courage.

"_There's not much to know."_

Aaron conceded with a shrug of his shoulders, but Jackson couldn't fail to notice his smile falter and his eyes dim.

"_I'll be the judge of that._ Opening his front door he stepped aside to let Aaron in. _So what can I get you? Tea, coffee, apple juice, coke, orange, lemonade, Summer Fruits?"_

"_Any chance you can slip Vodka in any of those?"_

Aaron sighed wistfully.

"_I could, but I'm not going to. How long have you been off the booze?"_

"_A while. Prison does that for you. What about you?"_

Completely forgetting his role as dutiful host Jackson joined Aaron on the sofa.

"_Three years, seven months and two days and believe me it's just got easier."_

"_Great. _Aaron buried his head in his hands. _What made you stop?"_

He would have been embarrassed by his abruptness had he not been genuinely interested.

"_I realized something important."_

"_What's that?"_

"_My family comes first."_

Aaron couldn't hide the pain that swept across his face.

"_You're lucky._ He managed a half smile. _I don't think mine even remember I exist."_

"_What none of them?"_

Aaron was not the most open of people when it came to his feelings, he did his best to build up walls and project a brave face to the world, but one look from Jackson and the floodgates opened and there was no stopping them.

"_My mam left me and my dad when I was a baby, then my dad moved on met this woman, had another son and I was forgotten, he said I was a handful, not worth the effort, I was fifteen when he gave up on me and kicked me out. Paddy was the next one. My mam was dating him, but she left him and me again like she always does. He took me in. I caused him nowt but hassle. When I got sent down he didn't come and see me, he didn't even write, I should have gotten the picture by then. No one who sys they care about me stays around. They always give in. I guess that's just how it is."_

"_But Andy was different."_

Aaron hadn't even realized he was crying, until Jackson leant forwards and tenderly wiped away his tears.

"_How? _Aaron growled. _He didn't just leave me he gave up on everything. He didn't give me a chance. I never got to tell…"_

"_Tell him what?" _

Jackson nudged him encouragingly.

"_It's all my fault. He did what he did because I never told him it was okay. He never knew…he didn't give me the chance to tell him I…I…"_

"_Go on."_

"_I loved him." _

Aaron mumbled into Jackson's chest as he collapsed into his arms, crying uncontrollably finally releasing the years of pent up emotions. It was a good fifteen minuets before Aaron had composed himself and he couldn't help feeling stupid.

"_I'm sorry."_

"_What for? Apart from sniveling on a perfectly good shirt you haven't done anything wrong."_

"_It just feels so strange. I've just met you and…I don't know you make me feel…safe._ He couldn't believe he had just admitted that out loud. _I've never talked about Andy before. Not to anyone. Not even Paddy."_

"_Sometimes it is harder to be honest with those you feel close to. _Jackson parroted something his therapist had once said to him. _Do you fancy that drink now?"_

"_A coffee would be great._ Aaron took a deep breath and sank into the couch as Jackson pottered noisily round the kitchen. _Jackson, can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure?"_

"_When did you know?"_

"_When did I know what?"_

Jackson appeared from the kitchen two steaming mugs of coffee and a plate of biscuits in hand.

"_That I…no that you we're…?"_

Blushing furiously Aaron stuttered incoherently, Jackson couldn't help thinking he looked unbelievable cute when he was digging himself into a hole, but he put him out of his misery.

"_I knew I was gay when I was in high school and I had a crush on my maths teacher and I knew you were gay, or at least I thought you were from when I met you. When did you first realize you were gay?"_

"_You'd think it would be that night when Andy kissed me. But honestly I had my suspicions before that."_

"_And you didn't tell anyone?"_

"_I haven't told anyone ever. My dad used to make stupid jokes and go on about how it was all so disgusting so I decided to give that a miss. My mam had already left so she wasn't an option and Paddy…he would have understood."_

"_So you were scared that he would have accepted it?"_

"_It wasn't so much that he would, it's just by then I really couldn't. How could it be a good thing? It had killed my best friend."_

"_But that isn't true. Andy killed himself because like you he couldn't accept who he was and you are punishing yourself for that. Don't you think he'd want you to be happy? Have you thought about coming out?"_

"_No."_

"_You've just told an entire group of strangers and the world hasn't ended."_

"_It's not the same."_

"_You will never know unless you try."_

"_It's not going to happen so give it a rest!"_

He snapped.

"_Fine. I'm sorry."_

"_No. I'm sorry. You didn't have to rescue me tonight. In fact I am still wondering why you did?"_

"_I told you. What you did tonight took some real guts, but you looked like you needed to get out of there. Plus I have been there."_

"_Tell me about your family."_

"_What?"_

Jackson had no idea where that change in topic came from.

"_You said they helped you to stay clean. So far all I know is you have a daughter. What about the rest of them?"_

"_It's getting a bit late."_

Jackson was suddenly interested in his wrist watch.

"_Great I spill my guts, but you won't return the favour. So much for getting to know each other."_

Aaron teased playfully.

"_It's getting on for eleven o'clock and I have an early start tomorrow. I'm not avoiding the subject I promise. Are you free tomorrow night?"_

"_I might be."_

"_Well if you are you could come round here and we'll order a take out and carry on where we left off."_

"_Sounds great."_

"_Good. Do you want a lift home?"_

"_Yeah that would be great. _The drive back seemed to take longer than the drive there as Jackson was chatting away and driving a lot slower. Finally they ground to a halt outside the vets. _Thank you for tonight. I really needed that."_

"_That's my pleasure. Anytime you want to talk I'm here."_

Jackson had no idea what had made him say it, for God's sake he'd only just met the guy, but he had a niggling feeling it was the truth.

"_If you are in the area we could meet up for a pint at lunch, in the Woolpack at 12.30 ish?"_

"_Sounds like a dat…"_

"_Date it is then."_

Aaron leant across to the driver's side and hugged Jackson briefly, as he pulled away their eyes locked. Unconsciously Jackson licked his lips, as Aaron cautiously closed the gap between them, Jackson could feel Aaron's breath tingling against his cold skin and he parted his expectant lips to allow his eager tongue access. Their tongues battled furiously, exploring every inch and crevice of each others mouths.

"_That was interesting."_

Jackson mumbled under his breath.

"_Yeah it was._ Smiling uncontrollably Aaron hoped from the van. _I'll see you tomorrow."_

"_Definitely."_


	2. Just A Feeling

**Just A Feeling**

Watching the television thoughts of Aaron and their conversation running through his head Jackson couldn't shake this one thing that was niggling at him. He had definitely said he was off the booze, mainly because of his stint inside, but when he invited him to that pub in the village, hadn't he said for a pint? Maybe he'd got it wrong, maybe he had just said for a drink or some dinner.

Jackson tried his best to focus on 'From Russia With Love' which happened to be his favourite Bond film, but he just couldn't settle. Finally giving in he switched off the TV, threw down the remote and headed upstairs to bed.

Aaron arrived home to a cold, dark, empty house. Paddy was obviously out on call as he had left a scribbled note on the kitchen table saying 'teas in the oven warm it up'. That was the extent of their conversation these days. Since his release he'd barely spent five minuets in the same room with Paddy apart from the drive home which had lasted ten, when he had assured him his room was still available but the rent was being increased. Aaron knew he had no grounds for complaint so he hitched a smile onto his face as every other week he handed Paddy his share of the rent. Secretly Aaron was just grateful to the older man for sticking to his promise and not kicking him out, he knew things were unlikely to return to how they had been, but for now he'd settle for having somewhere to stay.

Deciding tea was not exactly what he wanted right now, after the overwhelming evening he had had, Aaron resisted the urge to 'borrow' one of Paddy's cans from the fridge and headed straight upstairs to bed. Thoughts of Jackson brought a smile to his face, as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking over their evening together and their plans for tomorrow. For a change he didn't need alcohol to help him sleep.

"_Aaron! Visitor."_

It was just after seven when Paddy's dulcet tones filtered into his consciousness.

"_Who is it?"_

He mumbled sleepily, stifling a yawn.

"_I don't know. Some builder."_

'_**Builder? No it couldn't be.**_**' **

He raced down the stairs like he was on fire, completely forgetting he was wearing only his boxers.

"_Morning."_

Jackson sat there at their kitchen table, bold as brass, a Cheshire Cat grin on his face, supping a cup of tea and helping himself to a piece of toast from his plate.

"_Mmm…morning."_

Aaron mumbled confusedly.

"_You never said your friend was coming over."_

Paddy tried to conceal his surprise. The only person Aaron ever invited back to their's was Adam so it was refreshing to see another face.

"_I…I didn't know he was."_

"_No, he didn't. I just dropped in to say I can't make that drink in the Woolpack at lunch, not that I could anyway, as I am tea total these days, but I was wondering if you are still up for that takeaway at mine?"_

Aaron looked like he had been slapped around the face with a frying pan.

"_When I said the pub I meant for lunch."_

He did his best to clarify.

"_I just wanted to check cos I am sure you said a pint."_

"_Probably did but it's an old habit. I haven't drank in…"_

"_At least a week."_

Paddy quipped.

"_I never said I'd stopped completely."_

Aaron instantly defended himself. He could see the disappointment in Jackson's eyes.

"_No. I guess you didn't. I better get going. I'm meant to be working."_

"_Jackson, wait. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea."_

Aaron followed him to the door.

"_By lying to me?"_

"_I didn't exactly lie. I don't drink like I used to, but the odd can now and again doesn't hurt anyone."_

"_You're an alcoholic. It doesn't stop at just one."_

"_I know, but my mates they-"_

"_Don't understand? Don't know? What? Maybe you should try being honest with them. Maybe you should try being honest with yourself."_

Jackson deliberately turned his back on him and walked away. Maybe he'd been wrong about him. Maybe he just didn't want to be helped. Aaron hovered in the doorway, calling his name; he couldn't follow him out, although every fiber of his being was telling him to do so, because he would certainly give the neighbours something to gossip about what with his state of undress.

"_Jackson! Wait. Please. _It took all his willpower to ignore his pleas, but ignore him he did. It would do him no favours in the long run to condone his actions. _I'm sorry."_


	3. True To Form

**True To Form**

Aaron had been in the pub for over half an hour. He'd stormed out of the garage having bitten off a customer's head, when he short changed them, Cain had luckily been out on a job, but Ryan had spent most of the morning in the office to avoid his sharpened tongue and the obvious prickly atmosphere that seemed to be surrounding him. He was staring at his half empty glass of orange juice, peeved with himself that he had felt unable to buy a pint, all because of Jackson, who more than likely wasn't even going to turn up for their 'date'.

"_You want another?"_

Aaron was jolted back to reality by the familiar voice.

"_No. _He pouted stubbornly. _I didn't think you were coming." _

"_I wasn't going to."_

Jackson replied honestly.

"_What changed your mind?"_

"_My van has officially conked out." _

Jackson quipped.

"_Great. So it wasn't because of my charming personality?"_

"_Maybe._ Jackson winked none too subtly. _Besides you owe me a drink."_

Aaron actually managed a smile as Jackson nudged him playfully in the ribs. He couldn't help but feel at ease around him it was amazing. Just as he was actually beginning to relax the door banged open and Adam came bouncing in.

"_Aaron mate you'll never guess what's happened. You want a pint? Hey, sorry who's your mate?"_

Aaron literally wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He shuffled away from Jackson and immediately tensed up.

"_Adam, this is Jackson. He's doing some building work for Declan. And I'm fine for the minuet tar."_

"_Come on I'm buying."_

"_Fine. Just a half. I have to be back at the garage in half an hour. I'm sorry."_

He mumbled the last part so only Jackson could hear.

"_Jackson do you want one?"_

"_I'll have a juice, ta. I don't drink."_

"_Right. Okay."_

Adam looked at him like he'd sprouted another head before their very eyes. Sensing the conversation would be heading into dangerous territory Aaron did his best to change the topic.

"_So, Adam what's happened?"_

"_Let me get these in then I'll fill you in. You won't believe it."_

"_So…?"_

"_I should probably be going."_

"_You can't he's buying you a drink. I didn't want that pint you know."_

"_You didn't stop him."_

"_How can I? He doesn't know about the group, about Andy, about anything."_

"_I thought he was a mate of yours."_

"_He is."_

"_How can you say that? He knows nothing about you. I've talked to you once and you told me more than you have ever told him."_

"_It's not the same."_

"_He doesn't know you're not drinking."_

"_I know-"_

"_He doesn't know why."_

"_True bu-"_

"_And he doesn't know you're gay._ Aaron was gripping the table so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. His heart was thundering against his rib cage and he could literally feel his blood boiling. _Maybe you should tell him."_

"_Tell me what?"_

Adam chirped as he appeared at their shoulder drinks in hand.

"_Go on. Now's a good a time as any."_

"_No. Leave it."_

"_He's meant to be your mate I'm sure he'll be fine."_

"_I said leave it."_

"_Tell him._ Jackson had no idea what was making him push the issue, or what made him reach out to hold his hand, but as soon as he had he knew it was a mistake. _Aaron."_

"_I said NO!"_

It all happened so fast. Aaron rose from his seat and lunged at Jackson, his fist connecting squarely with his jaw. Before his backside had even connected with the floor thirty odd people were on their phones reporting a violent assault.

"_You sure you want that drink now?"_

He spat at him scathingly.

"_Yes."_

Aaron spat back venemously as he snatched his drink from Adam's waiting hand and downed it in one before storming out of the stunned pub.


	4. Coming Out

**Coming Out**

"_What was that!"_

Admittedly it wasn't the voice he was expecting although it was the question.

"_Leave me alone Paddy."_

Aaron seethed as he stormed off in the direction of Smithy Cottage.

"_No I will not leave you alone until you tell me what that was about. Who was that guy? I haven't seen him around before."_

"_And you probably won't again. _He was caught short as Aaron slammed the front door in his face. _Alright smart arse. You go and hide away in your room but I'm not going anywhere until you explain yourself. Pearl can cancel the appointments for this afternoon and Rohna is on call._ He knew he'd at least feel a little guilty. _Come on. I'm waiting."_

Aaron trudged back downstairs, like a naughty schoolboy waiting to speak to the head teacher.

"_Can't you just let it go?"_

Paddy was shocked to realize he was almost crying.

"_What's wrong? Aaron sit down."_

"_No. I have to…I'm going out."_

"_You're going to sit here and tell me what I have missed."_

Paddy restrained him rather more forcefully than he had intended and pushed him onto a chair.

"_Where do you want me to start?"_

"_The beginning usually helps. You can start with that lad. Who is he? Where is he from?"_

"_Actually he's not the beginning of this mess."_

Paddy had worked that one out for himself, but he knew in the long run it would be better for Aaron to actually speak the words.

"_Okay. What is?"_

"_Not what. Who…"_

It took Aaron well into the evening to explain everything in great detail to Paddy, but he did without comment, complaint or suggestion. Finally he stopped and took one deep breath.

"_You feeling better?"_

"_You could say that."_

"_Good. So about Jackson?"_

"_I met him at AA the other week."_

"_And he's gay isn't he?"_

Paddy was convinced his gaydar had tuned into that straight away.

"_Yes he is."_

"_So what happened earlier in the pub? Were you and him…?"_

"_No…well kind of, but then Adam-"_

"_Adam walked in and brought you back to reality."_

"_With a bump."_

"_What were you arguing about?"_

"_He was going on and on about me being honest with Adam."_

"_Well he does have a point. He doesn't know any of this I take it?"_

"_No I haven't told him."_

"_Don't you think you should?"_

"_Are you and Jackson working together or something?"_

"_No don't be daft. It's just he's your best mate."_

"_Yeah well I have the feeling he caught the end part of the conversation and then I lost it."_

"_But why? It doesn't make sense. You've changed since you went inside."_

"_It's complicated."_

"_Explain."_

"_He…I wasn't ready."_

"_For?"_

"_He grabbed my hand."_

"_Oh. And you were afraid that people had seen?"_

"_Well yeah."_

He realized it was stupid, but he projected a certain image and he had a reputation to protect.

"_I don't think anyone saw anything. Not until you went all nut job and sent him sprawling to the floor."_

"_Okay so that wasn't my finest moment."_

"_No it wasn't. You certainly owe him an apology. From what you've said about him he obviously likes you."_

"_I don't know why."_

Aaron blushed furiously and muttered under his breath.

"_Well neither do I."_

Paddy teased him playfully.

"_Thanks for that. I wish it was that simple though."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I lied to him. He thinks I have given up drinking."_

"_And you haven't."_

"_No but I cut down. I mean it is one of my probation conditions."_

"_And Adam doesn't know that either?"_

"_No. He bought me a drink in the pub. You saw me down it."_

"_I think a lot of people did. Look, Aaron if you want to sort this out you will have to apologize to Jackson and tell Adam the truth. There is no point lying to yourself, but I think you've worked that out all ready."_

"_But what will everyone think? The village gossips will have a field day."_

"_So what? This is not about anyone else it is about you. If you want to be with Jackson or anyone else for god's sake go out there and do it. You deserve to be happy Aaron."_

"_I guess I have somewhere to go."_

Aaron shuffled his feet nervously.

"_I guess you do. His vans still out front so I'm guessing he's still in the pub."_

"_He could have got a bus or a taxi. His van is broken I was meant to be looking at it."_

"_No I think you'll be in luck." _

Paddy couldn't help the grin that was spreading across his face.

"_How do you know that?"_

"'_Cos he's here."_

_**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**_


	5. Time To Face The Music

**Time To Face The Music**

Aaron froze.

"_I don't think I can do this."_

"_Course you can."_

"_How do you know?"_

He doubted Paddy's confidence as he could feel himself shaking like a leaf.

"_Cos you've just told me."_

He squeezed Aaron tightly before patting him encouragingly on the shoulder and heading to open the front door.

"_Hi. Jackson I take it? Yes he's here. Come on in._ Aaron didn't move a muscle although he could feel the previously dormant butterflies in his stomach doing cartwheels as Paddy took Jackson's coat and invited him into their home. _Can I get you a drink? He's just in the lounge go in and take a seat."_

"_Hi._ He mumbled nervously. _I just wanted to…I mean…are you okay?"_

He made himself comfortable on the sofa as he realized there was little to no chance of Aaron offering him a seat.

"_Shouldn't I be asking you that?"_

Aaron grimaced as he pointed at the cut under Jackson's swollen eye.

"_You pack quite a punch. It will be a shiner in the morning."_

"_Can I get you something for it? Peas or ice?"_

"_No it's alright. _Jackson reassured him with a warm smile. _So…are you okay?"_

"_As I'm going to be. I made a bit of a prat of myself didn't I?"_

"_I can't tell a lie, you really did. But I didn't exactly help matters."_

"_It wasn't your fault. At least you can see why I shouldn't be drinking."_

"_But you are."_

"_It was only a half."_

"_Yeah and look where it got you? I can understand why you're angry. I would be too if all that crap had happened to me. What I don't get is why you haven't stopped completely."_

"_Honestly?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I've never had anything to stop for."_

"_You have. You have to want to stop doing something for yourself not for someone else. My family were a factor for me, but I had to want to make the change first."_

"_I can't promise I'll be able to stop, so I won't. But I will try. I promise that. And I'm going to tell Adam the truth."_

"_Really?"_

"_I just told Paddy."_

"_And?"_

"_I'm still here."_

"_I told you it wouldn't be that bad."_

"_I've known Adam a long time, so I hope he'll understand."_

"_I'm sure he will. He'll probably just be upset you haven't told him already."_

"_Probably. I was thinking-"_

"_oooo be careful."_

"_Oi. Can we…I still want to…"_

"_Aaron I don't like violence of any kind. I stopped being around that kind of thing a long time ago. I'm happy to support you at AA and you can call me if you need me, but I won't be involved with someone who resorts to using their fists before they think. And before you even say it that is one thing you can't promise to change. I better be going I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for dinner and I've got to go home and change. I'll see you soon."_

"_Oh. Okay. Thanks for coming round and I am sorry about before."_

"_I don't condone what you did, but I can understand it. I won't involve the police and I asked everyone else not to either. I want you to get yourself sorted. See you at the group."_

"_You will. Bye."_

"_So how did it go?"_

Paddy appeared from his bedroom where he had been sat intently listening to their conversation.

"_It didn't. He's not pressing charges, and he will be here if I need him but he only wants to be friends."_

"_He could change his mind."_

"_I don't think so. He doesn't like violence and he doesn't think I can change. He's probably right."_

"_No he isn't._ Aaron was shocked by Paddy's determination. _You have changed so much since you first arrived in the village with your mam. Think of all the things that have happened and all the times you didn't react with your fists even when you really wanted to. Your mum's wedding for example."_

"_It doesn't really matter does it? He doesn't want to be with an alcoholic."_

"_Drinking you can stop, if you want to."_

"_You think so?"_

"_He has hasn't he?"_

"_Yeah. You're right. Thanks Paddy. I've got to go and see Adam."_

"_Now? It's getting late."_

"_Now's a good a time as any. I have to explain. Don't wait up."_

"_I won't. Night, Aaron."_

"_Night."_


End file.
